I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
