dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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