If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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