the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My butt remains clenched, sir.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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