oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
