Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
