Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
