The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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