Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
