I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
