I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have fence marks all over my body
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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