Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
