i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
