My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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