My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
