found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
