Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
