Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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