"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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