had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
