i permit you to call me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am naked and annoyed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
