theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
