I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
