someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
