I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
