Ambien. No doubt about it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
