he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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