They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
