Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
