You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
