When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
