Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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