we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
