My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
