I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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