i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
