we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
