Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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