I look better un-naked...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need to calm my uterus...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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