Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
