gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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