ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
can u get pink eye on your cock?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
