okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
