I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
