He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
