anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
