considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
