I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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