Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
