I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
