I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
