are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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