If that was your dad, he is hot
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
third nipple confirmed
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
