If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
