I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
