As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
