So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
