Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize