Plan B is the new Plan A
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
