On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
