I just made out with a guy for $7.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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