My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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