why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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