I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
