How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
