This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Come on in and take your pants off
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