Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
