and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
