i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
