Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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