I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
