talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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